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Touchline Dad

Touchline Dad

TOUCHLINE Dad is written by Peter Harvey, a newspaper editor with Trinity Mirror Merseyside. Father-of-three Peter, 40, was a writer for the Liverpool Echo during the 1990s and has been editor of Trinity Mirror titles the Crosby Herald, Bootle Times and the Advertiser Series, West Lancashire. Touchline Dad is a lifelong Liverpool fan.

Our Jack...

Jack with his first Man of the Match award

JACK Harvey is seven, going on seventy-seven. He's a dependable, no-nonsense defender for Marine FC's U7s. He's played in the Bootle and Netherton league and Hightown league in north Merseyside. Jack has also played for Crosby Stuart. He is being encouraged to appreciate both Liverpool AND Everton...for now at least.

The Gaffer

The Gaffer

THE Gaffer is a true Blue. She's now swapped her Gwladys Street season ticket for one at the new Liverpool One shopping complex. She still gets steamed up thinking about Graeme Sharp in his skimpy shorts.

Not forgeting...

Emily

EMILY is five and has no interest in football. Her kicks come from dressing up, make-up, bangles and beads. Oh, and shoes. She changes them at least five times a day. Likes ballet, swimming and shopping. Cross her at your peril.

And finally...

Paddy

PADDY inherited a mini Everton kit from Sam down the road. No doubt 'Pads' will also get Jack's pass-me-downs, so that will narrow his allegiance to Real Madrid, Juventus, Republic of Ireland, England, Everton and Liverpool. Loves pirates, Shrek and Wall-e. He's got the second worst temper I know...

Marine AFC

FORMED in 1894 and based in Crosby, north Mersyside. The first team plays in the Northern Premier League and were champions in 1994 and 1995. 220.jpgThey had a famous FA Cup run in the early 1990s, eventually being knocked out by Crewe 3-1 in the 3rd round. Roly Howard was manager for a record 33 years (1972-2005), although he will always be remembered by some fans as Kenny Dalglish's window cleaner. TV presenter Ray Stubbs once asked: "How's business, Roly?" to which Roly replied "Oh you know - ups and downs."

Snapshots

Jack and his Marine U7 teammates
Jack, Carra, Emily, Touchline Dad and the European Cup
Jack, Emily and Paddy
Jack at Goodison Park, 2007
Jack at Anfield, 2007
Jack (stripes) in action for Crosby Stuart
Jack's former team Crosby Stuart U7s

Crosby Stuart

THIS was Jack's first club. It was formed in the early 1970s in north Liverpool and is now one of the biggest and most successful junior football clubs in the North West. Crosby StuartFormer players include Michael Ball (Everton and Rangers) and Stephen Wright (Liverpool and Sunderland). The club motto is 'To Enjoy, Not Destroy.'

Football Crazy

"JACK stood before me in his Buzz Lightyear pyjamas, hands on hips. I kicked him hard in the shins. Instead of falling to the carpet and rolling in agony, he laughed. 'Do it again, Dad. Do it again. We’ll trick Mum.' I didn’t fancy chancing our comedy double act with The Gaffer, so instead Jack clambered into bed still wearing his new 'shinnies.' 'Maybe tomorrow, eh dad?' he asked as he closed his eyes to see his Premier League heroes greet him."

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Mirror.co.uk Top 10 Fat Footballers

Posted by Peter Harvey on July 30, 2008 1:25 PM

Mirror.co.ukYOU may remember we turned the spotlight on fatty footballers some time ago asking Who Ate All The Pies?


Admittedly it's a bit unfair, especially taking into account the extra couple of pounds I've put on since my hey day.


Our friends at Mirror.co.uk have been equally unfair with their Mirror.co.uk Top 10 Fat Footballlers.

Robbie Keane £20m Transfer: A Big Gamble for Rafa Benitez and Liverpool FC. Is He Worth the Money?

Posted by Peter Harvey on July 29, 2008 11:17 AM

Robbie Keane at the Melwood press conference to announce his �20 signingLIVERPOOL fans are holding their breath over the signing of Robbie Keane.


He's a good player, possibly a very good player. The former Crumlin United (Dublin) striker may even blossom into a world class player alongside Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres.


And, there's a strong argument that Torres needs a fleet-footed playmaker snapping at the heels of defenders.


Comparisons are already being made between Keane and Dalglish. For 'King Kenny and Rushie' read 'Keane and Torres?' Hmmm, we'll have to see...

Continue reading "Robbie Keane £20m Transfer: A Big Gamble for Rafa Benitez and Liverpool FC. Is He Worth the Money?" »

Joey Barton: A Poor Example to Children

Posted by Peter Harvey on July 28, 2008 12:06 PM

Joey BartonSERIAL thug Joey Barton slipped out of Strangeways Prison, Manchester, into the arms of Kevin Keegan.


Keegan, a decent bloke who believes in forgiveness and redemption, says the Newcastle player deserves a second chance.


No. Barton has had plenty of chances to prove himself and he's done just that. He's a violent tearaway who sets a poor example to young people.


By giving him a second chance, Keegan is showing every child that violence can bring rewards.

Continue reading "Joey Barton: A Poor Example to Children" »

VIDEO: Stephen Warnock's 'Chewy' Prank on Riise

Posted by Peter Harvey on June 9, 2008 8:40 PM

LFCSTEPHEN Warnock pulled off one of the oldest playground pranks on John Arne Riise - and thanks to YouTube the Norwegian may struggle to live it down.


It's Showtime! Harlem Globetrotters Hit the Target

Posted by Peter Harvey on May 17, 2008 8:35 AM

It's Showtime!THE Harlem Globetrotters are surely the greatest entertainers in world sport - alongside snooker trickshot king John Virgo and that table tennis guy with mirrors and combs concealed in his bat.


I'm being ironic about the last two.


This Saturday morning is all about slam dunks, flip shots and dribbling in our house after Jack's visit with his cousins Alice and Michael to the Globetrotters at the Manchester Evening News Arena last night.


I've not even had my breakfast (c'mon Gaffer) but already I'm familiar with names like Showtime, Sweet Pea, Buckets, Handles and Slick. Oh, and Moo Moo...he's cool.

Continue reading "It's Showtime! Harlem Globetrotters Hit the Target" »

'Mary Mary' Turns Jack into a Model Evertonian

Posted by Peter Harvey on May 16, 2008 6:02 PM

JACK is following in the footsteps of David Beckham and David James by doing a spot of modelling.


Unlike Becks he's not dressing in a skirt (sorry sarong) or, like Jamo, featuring in a grandstand-sized Armani poster on the wall of a building in Milan.


12th.jpgBlues%21.jpg4th.jpgREDS%21%21.jpg


Instead, he's posed in his Everton kit for children's illustrator Mary Yoxall-Hannigan who is branching out into the lucrative children's football market.

Continue reading "'Mary Mary' Turns Jack into a Model Evertonian" »

Fair Play: Losers Can Be Winners

Posted by Peter Harvey on May 16, 2008 3:01 PM

MANCHESTER City get drubbed 8-1 on the final day of the season and have a man (Richard Dunne) sent off.


Dunne was the team's fourth red card of the season - only four teams have a worse disciplinary record in this regard (Blackburn, Chelsea, Fulham and Reading).


Man City's reward? A place in the UEFA Cup for being England's fairest team in the Premier League.


For the record Everton had the least yellow cards in 2007/8 with 40, six less than Liverpool in second place and 11 less than Man City.


Tricky one to explain to kids. Lose. Cheat. And you might just win...

VIDEO: Liverpool Top Ten Goals 2007/8

Posted by Peter Harvey on May 15, 2008 8:23 AM

LFCLIVERPOOLFC.TV are generously offering a free link to their 'Top 10 Liverpool goals of 2007/8.' It's had Jack's nose glued to the computer screen.


Without giving too much away, the compilation highlights the pace, control and potency of Senor Torres.


lfctv2.JPG


I remember speculating in the close season about Torres being another Ian Rush. At the time, I thought it may be optimistic, bearing in mind he'd never kicked a ball for Liverpool.


If he retired tomorrow, Fernando Torres would go into the club's history books as one of Liverpool's greatest strikers, although some would say you're only as good as your last trophy.


Take a look at the top ten by clicking here.


Feel free to comment by posting a message below. Anonymous or pseudonyms are fine by me.

VIDEO: Greatest Ever You'll Never Walk Alone?

Posted by Peter Harvey on May 14, 2008 7:40 AM

LFCHOT on the heels of the Fernando Torres song in its full Kop glory, here's some stirring stuff to help Reds block out Chelski's trip to their fatherland with Ronaldo & Co.


I thought Anfield stadium announcer George 'It took the biscuit' Sephton was going to cry at the end...


Kop That! Stevie G Grabs The Headlines

Posted by Peter Harvey on May 13, 2008 9:06 PM

Steven grabs his chance, according to the NOTW

THERE'S a famous anecdote about George Best lying in his hotel bed with Miss World, surrounded by discarded champagne bottles, awash with banknotes from a lucky night at the casino.


The bellboy stands in the doorway and, with a heavy heart, asks: "Where did it all go wrong, George?"


You've heard it before? I know. My point is...if you're going to make the headlines, do it style. So what does Steven Gerrard get caught doing?

Continue reading "Kop That! Stevie G Grabs The Headlines" »

Top Ten Finish in Fantasy Football

Posted by Peter Harvey on May 13, 2008 7:15 AM

LIKE Rafa Benitez my fantasy football season was pretty much over by Christmas.


In the hurry to get my team registered in August, I'd picked some donkeys including Gary Speed, John Terry, Micah Richards and Didier Zokora (where did that choice come from!!).


Touchline Dad's XI

Continue reading "Top Ten Finish in Fantasy Football" »

May 18, 1968: Astle Fires Brom to FA Cup Glory

Posted by Peter Harvey on May 12, 2008 6:29 AM

West Brom win the FA Cup, May 18, 1968

IT was 40 years ago that Jeff Astle went down in Everton club history - as the man who stole the FA Cup.


Just three minutes after the 1968 FA Cup Final had staggered into extra time at 0-0, up popped centre forward Astle to bag the winner and break Evertonian's hearts.


He didn't know it, as he gnarled his Farley's rusk, but 13-month-old Adrian Chiles was enjoying one of the best days of his life. The day belonged to Baggies. Young and old.

Continue reading "May 18, 1968: Astle Fires Brom to FA Cup Glory" »

Gerrard and Pienaar Top Study of Most Assists

Posted by Peter Harvey on May 11, 2008 10:32 AM

EFCYOU may have expected Mikel Arteta or Tim Cahill to top the table of Everton's goal providers this season based on their creativity over the last few years.


You may also have expected them to chip in with 20 or 25 goals between them. If they had, the Blues could have been been nudging Arsenal for third place, never mind Liverpool for fourth.


However, the stats for all matches reveal, it was Steven Pienaar who is credited with the most assists (14) behind Arteta (10) and Cahill (4).


Here's the full list (up to May 11, 2008):

Continue reading "Gerrard and Pienaar Top Study of Most Assists" »

Scrubs: Everything Comes Down to Poo

Posted by Peter Harvey on May 10, 2008 10:03 AM

Jack likes toastHI! Jack here. Dad's gone to the tip...again (I'm sure he's got a floozie in Bootle) and he's left Touchline Dad logged on. I know his password anyway. It's Sally James.


"Aaaaah Sally. Them were the days,
" he sighs as he cranks up.


Does he get paid for this self-indulgent twaddle? Christ, he writes some tosh about me. And, who's The Gaffer? Poor cow.

Continue reading "Scrubs: Everything Comes Down to Poo" »

Top Tips for Tip-Top Touchline Dads

Posted by Peter Harvey on May 10, 2008 7:21 AM

DURING my 18 months as a touchline dad, I've been privileged to become pals with some good people, while sharing the line with some of life's losers.


I have been uplifted by acts of camaraderie and kindness one moment; crushed by incidents of thuggery and abuse the next.


I will reserve further comment for a piece I'm working on (crikey, I sound like Antony Gormley) about the 'Tyrants on the Touchline.'


How to be a touchline dad


Believe me, I've seen some dislikeable, dangerous people stalking the line. Screwballs who shouldn't be allowed near children.

Continue reading "Top Tips for Tip-Top Touchline Dads" »

VIDEO: The Kop Sings Fernando Torres Song

Posted by Peter Harvey on May 9, 2008 7:57 AM

LFCFUNNY how some Kop songs take off. A few seasons ago it was Ring of Fire. Now, its the Fernando Torres song. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-naaaaah!!!


Jack's face lights up with delight when he watches this clip from YouTube.


I just hope Stan Boardman doesn't try to cash in with a Christmas version.


If there's a chant which defines Liverpool's 2007/8 season it's this...


'No Easy Putts at Augusta, Dad'

Posted by Peter Harvey on May 8, 2008 12:50 PM

I'VE been wasting several hours over the last few weeks playing Amen Corner at the Augusta National Club - home of the US Masters.


Glorious weather every day. The azaleas look magnificent in full bloom around the 12th green.


Jack's been at my side, holding my bag and giving me advice over tricky putts. I've even let him take a couple of shots, although it's not easy when you're wearing your dad's white decorating overalls and a Summer Fun Run marshal's bib.


He's starting to irritate me though. Every time I miss a tiddler and watch the ball scurry away on the glassy greens, he says: 'Never mind, Dad. No easy putts at Augusta.'


Have a go yourself if you think you're hard enough... The record's five, including a 74-footer.


Amen Corner Putting Game


Cyberspace: Where Football Never Sleeps

Posted by Peter Harvey on May 7, 2008 6:32 PM

THE internet is changing the way everyone gets information - especially football fans.


What was once the preserve of a small clique of Fleet Street hacks, is now a global, instant, 24/7 business. Football writers would once huddle after press briefings and agree lines and quotes to satisfy their respective sportsdesks, keeping their own exclusive leads to themselves, of course.


kopblog.JPG


Soccer writers could even afford to sit on a story for days and decide when it was best to trouble their sports editor and ultimately the public with their knowledge. They were in control, NOT the fans.

Continue reading "Cyberspace: Where Football Never Sleeps" »

Wegerle, Woodsy, Bang & Pod

Posted by Peter Harvey on May 6, 2008 9:38 PM

MY mate Woodsy considers himself a betting guru. He's got views on anything remotely sporty and claims his autistic traits give him a photographic memory which he can use to devastating effect in the bookies.


He once frightened the pants off Roy Wegerle by sidling up to the former QPR, Blackburn and Coventry striker in the gents at Garlands, Liverpool, or the Lido, Ainsdale, and launched into an unsolicited intimate description of every goal from Wegerle's career. Unsurprisingly, Roy whipped it away in a flash, made his excuses and left.


Bang & Pod


After all, most people would struggle to remember who Roy Wegerle was. Woodsy knows which way Woy was hanging when he scored.

Continue reading "Wegerle, Woodsy, Bang & Pod" »

Stevie G Takes Out Avram Grant

Posted by Peter Harvey on May 4, 2008 10:29 PM

IT'S always funny seeing people fall over - especially if it's in front of millions of TV viewers.


Steven Gerrard was keen to get on with the throw-in as Avram stooped to pick up the ball in Liverpool's semi-final Champions League clash at Stamford Bridge.


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